Fuse

Fuse is a poem written in response to the theme, “Navigating Safety and Fear in a Shifting Relational Field.”

The poem reflects on rage, shame, and the difficulty of staying in contact with oneself and the other when the relational field becomes overwhelmed.

Fuse

What an ugly face rage wears,
spewing uncontrollable sentences,
an unintelligible flow.
When the fuse is lit unknowingly,
without warning,
the torrent pours forth.

Rage saturates everything,
turning a minor slight
into outrage.
I try to understand
what is cracking open,
like a sore
seeping pus and blood,
the stench, the spite.

Rage cries for the loss of something,
yet there is only debris
left behind.
Images so ugly, so erratic, so disturbing
float through my mind,
as if a play were unfurling,
enticing the audience
to enter the scene,
so horrid
it is sickening.

And yet it continues.

To make friends with the hurricane
is like trying to remain poised
through a car crash.
Try as I may,
my composure crumbles,
and humiliation
swallows me whole.

To hold myself gently
when my inner voice
would annihilate me or the other
feels almost impossible.
In that moment, either will do,
so long as the turbulent energy
is released, received, or witnessed,
so that shame
can become bearable.

-Deniz