Miriam Grace: Myth, Maturity, Mid-life and Meaning
Psychotherapist Miriam Grace explores seasonal, aging and feminine cycles within a women’s wintering group
2024 - 2025 was the sixth winter of my exploratory women’s wintering group. I use my experience as a therapist but this isn’t a therapy group. Most of the participants have had therapy in their lives and many are trained as therapists or healers in a variety or disciplines.
The concept is that the therapist is not me, but is the natural world; the archetypal sub-personality of the Wise Woman; and the participant herself and her journalling. Each day I post a journalling prompt in a closed private Facebook group. You’ll see examples of posts and comments within this piece as you continue. Sometimes I might present gestalt theory in a pre recorded video, eg. the paradoxical theory of change, the gestalt cycle or introjection. Sometimes it is a poem or a quote. There’s logical progression to the posts. We follow the seasons according to Chinese medicine and the gestalt cycle -with focus on withdrawal, sensation and awareness. Then as March begins we begin to explore mobilisation and a key psychosynthesis concept - Will.
Our opening meditation is a guided visualisation of a journey through an autumn wood to a clearing in the forest where the House of the Wise Woman is entered and conversations and gifts are exchanged. This visit is repeated throughout the course with explorations of different rooms including the kitchen, the study, the basement and attic. These exercises are similar to collective dreaming and relate to a psychosynthesis model of the psyche, with the attic and basement signifying the lower part (not lesser, relating to memory, subconscious material) and the higher part of the Self (which is not superior but relates to an expanded or spiritual awareness). Other suggested activities might be cooking, time in nature, making nature tables, pictures or exploring stories. Using our senses to accentuate our engagement with sensation, curiosity and the contact boundary are threads throughout. We share stories of witches and fairies during Samhain, and use Dickens’ ghosts as we approach Christmas. We learn and practice the Loving Kindness meditation during our solstice meditation week.
“Beautiful frost this morning where I am, prompted me to remind you to notice nature this weekend. The trees are different to when we began and the temperature in the air. The skies seem clearer somehow. Describe the nature you see below, and imagine how the trees, the birds and animals are feeling. Notice as much as you can, and use all the 5 senses that are available to you. You are part of the natural world. What do you KNOW when you become aligned with the natural world around you?”
I have noticed how the foliage has shrunk back creating space. There is more air and what feels like more light despite there being less light really. I imagine the trees are relaxing, knowing they don’t have to soak up the light and feed the leaves every day and now can rest a while, the year’s nourishment quietly feeding the new growth
inside.
The birds are more visible in their efforts to find food, the squirrels are nowhere to be seen. I
wonder if they’ve foraged enough and are now cosied up together.
The cold air in my nostrils stings but smells fresh.
.....
I'm noticing sky mostly as I'm upstairs sitting in bed. The trees are now silhouettes and you can
see the shape, twist and curves of their boughs outlined on what feels like an empty sky. I feel an
ache, not about sadness or loss, about beauty, reverence or awe. A stillness and a longing for that
simplicity, that clear definition, the quiet of it. Never has the saying 'less is more' been more true
and this little view I have borders on the sacred.
......
The squirrels still scramble frantically burying nuts. The air is crisp, stinging the tips of my ears.
Trees are almost done shedding their leaves. Small areas of the ground are snow covered and a
bit icy. Mornings seem quieter.
.....
This photo is from last Saturday, one of the rare sunny days. A little more snow now.
The connection as a whole group is a focus on a Thursday evening when we meet for an hour to have an imaginary campfire (on Zoom) with blankets, candles, hot drinks and enthusiastic sharing of letting go of that which no longer serves us. Women often need support and encouragement to rest, to nurture their energy and to let go of duties. Our society demands consistent productivity year round. I believe it is against our nature and I’ve created this programme of theory, reflection, journalling and exploration, so that women who are often tired, chronically unwell or burnt out can find a way to honour the energy they have and be centred in their authentic place during the winter. I always say that low energy IS energy; quiet, slow and gentle energy, IS energy. I offer an invitation to live appropriately for the energy you have at any given moment. We are nourished and nurtured by our own inner wise woman and by meeting at campfire. We develop behaviours such as resting, napping, stopping, eating, exercising, being in nature, crafting, reading, journalling and meditating and we practice them. We experience the reward hormone through the group interaction and this attuned approach becomes gently embedded. Even on Zoom I can feel the nervous system co-regulation happening.
“This week we continue to
get to know our sub-
personalities and begin to
work *with* these aspects of
ourselves to increase our
INTEGRITY with our values /
Main Thing / life path.
Here's a weekend meditation
recorded for you: “
When spring arrives we leave the group and go out into the world to flourish, resting on the foundations we have supported through winter. Will is not willpower but it is discipline to enact behaviours that come from our authentic self. We might call this ‘heart centred wisdom’ as I do, or values based living, soulful or spiritual practice. In psychosynthesis it is not enough to discover and to know, we need to actively live this. This may seem at odds with “Awareness in and of itself is curative.” (Perls) and the here and now gestalt emphasis, but it fits the philosophy of mobilisation and action. The work is to connect deeply with ourselves which in my group we do over the winter and then to repeatedly return to our route.
In February and March we work on our path, our direction, after spending a few months with our Wise Woman, we spend time in the study of the Wise Woman’s house in the wood charting out course so far and setting our compass with our internal Navigator. Participants may have different sub personalities to me, but I have a captain and a navigator. I do also have disruptive sub personalities that want to stay in the woods all year round and drink hot chocolate. I use Steven Covey’s quote through the course - The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. Encouraging participants to know their main thing. For several years mine has been to keep my nervous system out of high stress. This year I felt that this main thing was changing to something more like, “I am brave, I step up, I walk forward”. I will find out more about my main thing as I continue to visit my Wise Woman through the winter and create my sankalpa (this is a yogic term meaning an intention, it’s similar to an affirmation but arises from meditation not an external place such asa self help book). In spring 2025 we are ready to leave the group with strong foundations, rising rooted, it is up to us as individuals to practice Will. This may mean continuing the journalling habit, meditation, mindful exercise and eating, whatever we have learned in our visits to the Wise Woman
“No one here to guide you, still you are not alone... witches can be right, giants can be good, you decide what’s right, you decide what’s good, just remember....” (From Into the Woods by Stephen Sondheim)
In addition everything is optional in the group, participation at campfire, journalling, responding to posts in the thread. Even payment is pay as you can afford, with a range of fees. This loose structure is challenging in itself as we are usually conditioned to look externally for approval and guidance on how to behave ‘correctly’. Participants are responsible to themselves to make good enough judgments regarding participation, withdrawal, self care, rest, timing and pacing. We are accountable to ourselves and to each other and the group boundaries are based around respect.
The unconventional nature of the group is undoubtedly due to my own aging and confidence to explore, without being assured of outcomes. Jungian models see the first half of adult life being a time to engage with and establish oneself in the world and the second half adult life to be a time of engaging with the relationship with oneself. There is a common experience of women in mid life of caring less about the way others see us. There is a surge of energy arising and pushing for self identification and self expression. The women in my group share a political stance with me, that they have had therapy but what remains is an unsupportive environment for the lived experience of peri-menopausal, menopausal and post menopausal women in the world. We create our own culture for half the year, hibernating with our inner wise woman and then in the spring we, as the title of Sharon Blackie’s book says, “rise rooted” due to being together as woman in a manner that is as old as the hills.
I am working seeing clients and supervisees, running retreats through this period of the year, the darker months, but the Nourish and Nurture Group is so different to work, that it’s always therapeutic for me too. Gathering “around a fire” with women in mid-life and older, working together to care for ourselves, feels as if this is how my life should be now, it’s part of the season for me. I can’t imagine winter without it and several members of the group who return each year say the same. While I organise the posts and the meetings, oversee the materials and the bookings, and facilitate the group, it’s a focus for me too.
At a time in life when many women feel invisible, this group makes their internal processing significant, important and central to their lives. The space to explore autumn, letting go and goodbyes, is preparation for death, illness or practice in living with solitude and loneliness. The group doesn’t change what is, in terms of aging, loss, the change of seasons. We work with the idea of confidence, fluidity and a concept I apply to these issues called Safe Uncertainty, by which I mean that though there is uncertainty we can feel safe in our ability to cope.
I write about this unconventional gathering of women and wonder if I risk being denounced as a witch / bad therapist, for being unconventional. I also don’t mind if I am, as there is something that has changed so thoroughly within me in the last few years. If my wise woman / witch / crone sub personality is more visible to others now, that I am subsequently cast out, to go and live in the woods... I will be quite at home there.
[loud cackle ... exit in a puff of smoke.
Opportunities to work with me:
SUPERVISION - I have one place left in my monthly Friday morning, creative exploratory
supervision group. £40 per month. Gestalt based. Open to all genders. Email enquiries:
miriam@blue-skies.org.uk
RETREATS – I am the therapeutic director and facilitator at Wise Women Retreats Derbyshire.
As well as creative, therapeutic, group sessions with me, Anita, our yoga teacher, provides sound
journeys, yoga and deep relaxation sessions, Gina provides one-to-one reflexology and healing to
help release stuckness, and Justine provides beautiful accommodation, food and campfire treats.
www.wisewomenderbyshire.com
JOURNALLING GROUP - I run a free silent journaling group (half an hour on Zoom on mute at 8am on a Wednesday). Book here www.blue-skies.org.uk
TRAINING - I am available to teach and run training on sexuality (includes heterosexuality, erotic transference.) Email enquiries: miriam@blue-skies.org.uk
PUBLIC PRESENCE - I have a separate website for my podcast, publications, conference, radio contributions. These may be useful resources for therapists or clients.
www.womenofsteel.co.uk
CONFERENCE - Women With Women, the first UK conference for women coming out later in life and lesbian supporters, will be held in Sheffield, on June 14th. Tickets are on sale at Eventbrite, or at
www.womenofsteel.co.uk
I have no spaces for individual clients or supervisees currently.Please check my website for upcoming online workshops and online therapy groups which begin at different times of the year when 6 people are ready to begin.
Miriam Grace
I completed my 4 year post graduate diploma in Gestalt psychotherapy at the Sherwood Institute in Nottingham in the early 1990s. I’ve enjoyed training in and teaching a variety of therapeutic disciplines but probably the orientation that most organically followed on from, or expanded my gestalt practice, was my integration of psychosynthesis which I immersed myself in during my 40s. My client work is now with women, especially those in peri- menopause, menopause or post-menopause and I’m known for my work with women coming out later in life which you can read about in a chapter I authored in Queering Gestalt Psychotherapy published by Routledge. I live and work in Derbyshire, UK and see clients and supervisees in person and online from around the world.
www.blue-skies.org.uk
miriam@blue-skies.org.uk
